The death of Scott Weiland

I'm not normally the type to get emotional over celebrity deaths. In fact I find it somewhat insulting to those that do truly know these people that we, as those that only saw their persona, are grieving like we knew them too.

But a month on my heart still aches for Scott Weiland. That he will never make more music, that he will never reunite with STP. That he couldn't overcome his lifelong battle with drugs. We saw Stone Temple Pilots in 2011 after they reunited and it was a dream for me. I could literally see the sweat on the head of this Rock God, who seemed to have that old spunk (and that sexy dancing he did OMG) back again. But since then I've seen such an undeniable slide in him that the overdose could never have been a surprise.

I found Stone Temple Pilots and grunge in 1994 when I met my husband. I was 16 and had just moved out from an abusive home. So grunge was kind of a physical manifestation of my freedom and mindset at that time. It was wild and unconventional but still had depth and substance. My girlfriends and I would go and party regularly with my now husband and his friends and STP, Alice in Chains, Pearl Jam and Sound Garden would always be playing in the background as we drank, smoked and had a ball. Over the next few years I gravitated more to AIC and Pearl Jam; but I remember the day I first heard Sour Girl on the radio driving to work - it would have been late 2000.... and I was immediately hooked. I reconnected with the old albums and wow.... the Sour Girl vid *fans face*

             

Over the years it has been difficult to see Scott be so profoundly controlled by drugs. His artistic and performing talent were amazing yet he just couldn't stay sober. When they reunited and he proclaimed with earnest that he was clean I was so excited. They toured Australia and he didn't look off his face, he had weight on him and his presence on stage was insane.

 But over the next 4-5 years I witnessed the rapid decline of Scott Weiland. He aged terribly in just a few short years, he clearly was using again and more importantly, he didn't seem to be enjoying music anymore. I watched the Howard Stern interview he gave and it was the most insightful look at Scott's life to date. He admitted he was perennially touring to maintain child support payments and hinted he was exhausted with the music life but had no other option to continue. I remember going to the Scott Weiland Facebook page the day before he died and thinking "fuck Scott, you look awful".

 What hurt equally to the loss of musical talent was the sledging of Scott after his death. In particularly Mary's open letter to the Rolling Stone mag. It came off as a thinly veiled attempt to sully his name posthumous, outlining what a shit father he was under the guise of 'don't glorify his death'. She also used the kids which I felt at it's core was not appropriate and laced with agenda.

After his death I see things differently to others. The public, even some of fans see Scott as this intensely gifted guy who was too selfish to get his shit together for his kids and his fans. People are proclaiming him as a 'talented junkie' who despite the huge opportunities afforded to him, both financially, emotionally and musically, refused to get well. What I see is a guy with an addictive personality who joined the scene wanting to make amazing music but instead succumbed to it's evils. Once hooked, the love of music kept him in the scene and the scene kept him hooked. He had unlimited money and connections for drugs. Once divorced, the want of making music became the need - the need to make vast amounts of cash to pay his huge alimony.

The sad irony is that in her letter Mary Forsberg complained Scott never saw the kids. But from his point of view he couldn't see the kids because of the need to constantly tour to pay her. Even more ironic is her comment that:

      "it was the last day he could be propped up in front of a microphone for the financial benefit or enjoyment of others."

 She was one of those 'others'.

So we have an addict who is forced to stay in an environment that fed and maintained his addiction. And we question why he didn't/couldn't get clean? That is like having a woman who shares a meth addiction with her partner and wants to get clean but someone locks her in the house with him 24/7 and no one around her can fathom why she's still a tweeker?

I will continue to see Scott Weiland as a legendary artist who was a troubled soul that was often taken advantage of. A guy that didn't know what else he had to offer the world beyond his music and therefore saw no way out of the industry, and more importantly, his drug use. I will continue to sing his songs with gusto in my car when I think no one is watching and learn to play Creep on my guitar. I will remember the highs and lows and love the music.

 Rest in peace Scooter.